THE WAITING GAME No More Waiting Remix!
by Haruka Minamino
Summary: A tweaked-up version of my previous fic. Not much changes, but it IS more readable... ;;; Please RandR, onegai! Especially for those whose reviews got deleted when I deleted the old one ... gomen ne!


THE WAITING GAME  
By: Minamino Haruka  
Category: Mini-Songfic  
Genre: Anime (Kenshin)  
  
SD girl in a buurin (pig) costume: Hello minna! ^_^ I'm the humble writer of this mini-songfic. This is my VERY first, and it's a mini because, well - it must be confessed... ^_^;;; - sessha has bad hearing and thus was unable to decipher the first two stanzas of the song. Gomen to Swing Out Sister, who will remain sessha's favorite band even after they trash this lousy piece. Gomen too to those who know how bad I am in writing anything other than essays. And gomen to all those I "plagiarized" for inspiration: Tae-san of the Akabeko, Yumi, Jill, Miyu and Kitajima. I ask all who read: kindly be patient, for HOPEFULLY I will figure the art of writing fics in time. Well, enough chatter, let's go! ^_^   
  
PS This is based on the final unaired TV episode (which sessha is VERY lucky to have! ^_^) and after the end of the Jinchuu arc in the manga. Spoilers ahead. You have been warned...  
  
  
  
  
I've spent too much time wishing my life away...   
  
  
Kamiya Kaoru shook her head as she ran from the fast-approaching rain clouds. Himura Kenshin, the rurouni she loved so very much, stayed behind her in a protective stance. The two had just visited Kyoto, a site full of bittersweet memories for the one-time wanderer Kaoru took under her care. Of course, she was now very happy that he was finally at peace with his past, but if the cross scar on his cheek were any indication, he did not want to forge a future yet. *At least, a future which will certainly not include me...*   
  
As she ran she recalled the first time her life intertwined with his. It seemed like an interesting coincidence then. Now, she hoped that fate had plans for the two of them. After all, why would a man of his reputation appear like that, right when she was searching for the Hitokiri Battousai which the handsome stranger so happened to be?   
  
The drops started to fall from the sky. Kaoru regretted not having brought an umbrella, or at least some means of protection. And to think that they were in a lovely little beach, too. But before she could berate herself, Kenshin cried out, "Look over there, Kaoru-dono! Sessha has found us shelter! Are we not lucky?"  
  
"Ah ... hai, Kenshin," she replied, half-wishing that some sparks would fly between them once they got there. However, it soon became clear that, as soon as she entered, such affairs would not amount to anything between them.   
  
"Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin asked worriedly, "Sessha couldn't help wondering ... but are you cold de gozaru?"  
  
As usual, he was totally clueless. She sighed in disappointment.  
  
  
Convincing myself tomorrow you'll change your ways!   
  
  
As the wind blew and the rain poured, Kaoru continued to stare at a distance. Yet again, she had found herself daydreaming ... only to be rudely jolted back to reality. And by the object of her affection (some would say AFFECTATION), no less. *Mou!!! Kamisama himself is trying to set us up by arranging this weather, and what does HE do?! NOTHING!!!*  
  
She turned her gaze from the window of the tiny hut she and Kenshin were in, and fixed it into the fire. Which, she knew, was the only thing separating her from Kenshin now. *Well, that ... and the fact that I can't admit it to him yet,* she hastily corrected herself. *But it's just so IMPROPER for the girl to make the first move!*  
  
Soon, she was frowning. And before she knew it, she had already uttered the word "Mou." It had not gone unheard.   
  
Kenshin looked straight at her and asked, "What is it, Kaoru-dono? Did you say something to sessha de gozaru?"  
  
Outside, she just shook her head and smiled sheeplishly. Inside, though, she was seething. *Mou! All he ever says is "sessha-this," "sessha-that," or "dono," or "de gozaru" !!! Just for once, Kamisama, will he EVER learn?!?!*   
  
Judging from the blank stare Kenshin gave her, she deduced that she had gone full-tanuki mode again. Once more, she apologized. "Ah, gomen ne Kenshin!" *Arrgh, it's becoming SOOOOOOOOOOOO much harder to hide this!*  
  
  
I can't go on but I still hang on, just the same...  
  
  
Suddenly, she felt chilly. The wind was threatening to blow the tiny fire away. Instinctively, she drew back from the window and half-curled into a ball.   
  
As if on cue, Kenshin appeared by her side in a flash! Smiling helpfully, he offered, "Sumanai de gozaru. Perhaps Kaoru-dono would like the fire to burn brighter?"  
  
Miracle of miracles! Kaoru couldn't believe her senses. Surely she was being deceived, she was already swept away by the storm and living only on hallucinations! Amazed with her good fortune, she thought, *Wow! There REALLY must be a Kamisama!*   
  
Kenshin started to sack the disheveled area for wood. Soon, he had found some. Then, if only to make Kaoru's day even better, he practically sat beside her! Silently, she uttered a prayer of eternal gratitude.  
  
After a while, the storm had passed. But then the sun was setting, and it was unwise to journey when the seas still churned about. Seeing as they couldn't spend the night in a dingy hut which could now barely stand, the two were forced to find an inn. Fortunately, a ryokan appeared nearby. Kenshin, being the gentleman he was, took over the task of arranging dinner and lodgings for the night.  
  
The gracious innkeeper, lantern at hand, led them inside to a room with two futons. Kaoru could no longer contain her excitement as she and Kenshin entered, eyes widening at the unbelievable streak of good luck she seemd to be having today. The kind lady then said, "Your dinner is already inside, sir, and you only need to leave it outside your door once you've finished. You may leave your wet clothing to us, we shall dry it free of charge. We shall see you in the morning. Have a pleasant night!" She bowed, then left them alone in the room, thinking that the pair she had just escorted must be engaged, even married.   
  
  
I say a prayer...  
  
  
*Sugoi!* she yelled inside her mind. *THIS is the life!* Then she hurried to change, reminding Kenshin not to peek. After changing into a clean white yukata, she pondered on the events which marked this day, and considered herself very lucky indeed.  
  
At last, the pair retired for bed. Neither Kaoru nor Kenshin could sleep. True enough, they both felt so alone. Hoping to make contact, she lay her hand in the space separating their futons.   
  
She received an answer: his hand reached out for hers, and clasped her hand gently. *Thank you, Kamisama, for a wonderful day,* she prayed inwardly. Softly, half hoping that he would hear her, she whispered, "Oyasumi, Kenshin."  
  
They remained unmoving until they both fell asleep.  
  
  
I count the hours...  
  
  
Kaoru was having terrible dreams. But this last one, it seemed, felt unusually real.   
  
She was standing on a grassy place, staring directly across at Kenshin. He was saying, "Arigato, Kaoru-dono, but sessha must go ... sessha is a wanderer..."  
  
She couldn't believe her ears. Why now? Why, when the day before he had been especially gracious to her?! She wouldn't, COULDN'T, allow him to leave her again. The way he said those words broke her heart, for she knew that he meant to leave for good. Her eyes watered. *Hell, after ALL that we've been through, he's just going to leave me hanging like this?! Doesn't he know how much he means to ME???*  
  
"Kenshin?!" she called out. "Don't go!" But he turned away, and started to walk - to walk out of her life. After those fights with Shishio and the Juppongatana, and the horrible run-in with Enishi and his "comrades," she had hoped that the worst was over. However, it seemed to be as if none of those could compare to this. *Oh please, let this just be a bad dream! ONEGAI!!!*   
  
In desperation, she tried to folllow him ... only to realize that she was falling down, down, down from a cliff...  
  
She felt as if she were at the bottomest of the bottom...  
  
  
I hear a voice ... but it's not yours...  
  
  
The first word Kaoru uttered as she awoke was a very loud "Huh?!"  
  
*Whew! It was all just a dream...* she sighed in relief. *At least, I think so...*  
  
Wiping the sweat off her brow, she turned to see if Kenshin was -   
  
GONE. And the futon was rolled up neatly, his matching white yukata folded in one corner.   
  
*Oh no...* she thought in terror, *this CANNOT be happening!*  
  
She hurriedly changed into her dry kimono and ran off to the beach, promising the hosts that she would return to pay them.  
  
Many thoughts ran around her head, but none seemed to be as achingly clear as this: *I've gone this far but I can't go on playing the waiting game! * ( part of the bridge ^_^)  
  
  
If you should ever change your mind, I'll be there - just call my name...  
  
  
Kaoru ran and ran all over the beach. She had lost track of the time, and was now convinced that she had gotten herself lost searching for him. With each passing second she grew increasingly frustrated and worried. *No, no, NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I CAN'T let that nightmare come true! It SHOULDN'T!!! *   
  
She continued to run, yelling his name as loud as her parched throat could manage. But still, there was no sign. Finally, she felt that the search had become an exercise in futility, and tried to return to the ryokan, when suddenly ... lo and behold, recognizable footprints suddenly trailed the sand! "Yes!" Kaoru gasped in surprise and delight. *I KNEW there was no truth to the nightmares after all!*  
  
Those footprints in the sand, sure enough, led her to her darling red-headed rurouni. He seemed to be contemplating something, his gaze extending far beyond the sea. Kaoru tried to keep her distance so as not to disturb him, but he quickly snapped out of his reverie. "Kaoru-dono," he began, turning towards her.   
  
"Kenshin!" she cried for joy. So eager was she, she ran towards him, only to trip and fall. Like a bolt of lightning, he immediately caught her into his arms. He repeated her name once more, only softer and with a soft twinkle in his eyes. "Kaoru-dono..."  
  
Until then, I'll be playing the waiting game.   
  
Kaoru, misunderstanding what he meant, started to frown. *Oh no ... is this what I fear it is?* She was now afraid of what he was to say. How could one possibly stay calm when she has dreamt of the situation, in its worst-case scenario, just hours ago? Losing control of her emotions, she started to cry.  
  
"Kaoru-dono..." he said, his brows furrowing into knots in apprehension. Then, he revealed a tiny pink cowrie shell in one of his hands, tucked in the sleeves of his haori. Smiling again, he spoke.   
  
"A present, for you."   
  
Kaoru couldn't believe her eyes. Perhaps she was asking too much when she wished for him to be straightforward. Well, this would certainly do fine. Thanks to Kenshin's unusual density to comprehend the depths of her love, she had long learned how to make do. And besides, he really DID look like he made an effort to please her.   
  
She smiled, wiping back the tears. She bowed slightly, softly uttering an "Arigato, Kenshin" from the bottom of her heart. Her soul was singing in unabashed glee, which showed in her face. *This is really true! This is REALLY TRUE!*   
  
Satisfied, she walked towards the inn, Kenshin tagging along beside her. She knew she would always cherish this trip, most especially this moment...  
  
  
Though you left me with emptiness; now everyday seems the same...  
  
  
Upon their return to Tokyo, Kenshin had reverted once again to his old, dorky, adorable, but annoyingly shy self. Things returned to the way they used to, more or less ... Kaoru managed the home and taught Yahiko Kamiya Kasshin Ryu, Kenshin did the laundry and the grocery shopping.   
  
Because of their trip, this was unfortunately just about enough to make Kaoru very, VERY mad.   
  
*I've been such a fool! For a swordsman, you'd think his senses were keen enough to read people's emotions and thoughts! KENSHIN NO BAKA!!!*  
  
Alone that night, she reached out for the Kenshin doll hidden carefully between the sheets of her futon. Unlike the old days, when she embraced it and regaled herself with romantic stories starring herself and Kenshin, she started to abuse the little stuffed doll. "Daikirai!!!" she hissed angrily, punching it with all her might. "I knew that it was wrong to wish for things - but YOU didn't have to make them even harder to come by, dammit!"   
  
Then she strangled it until the seams nearly came off. "Now I know dreams can't come true. I NEVER should have dreamed...! No thanks to you, I'm even more miserable now ... Won't you EVER realize how much I LOVE you, Kenshin?!"  
  
A solitary figure in the dark watched as Kaoru flung the Kenshin rag doll to the floor, threw herself to her futon, and cried.   
  
And this continued every night thereafter, until...  
  
  
You're gone, but I'm still playing the waiting game.  
  
  
Little by little, Kaoru had formed a barrier between her and the rest of the world she knew. Out of frustration, she no longer found meaning in life. She had begun to shrivel and grow reed-thin, refusing to eat or drink. She did not accept the help of her friends, either. She had lost the will to teach, to love, to live, to even TRY to be. She was now giving everyone the silent treatment, Kenshin bearing the brunt of it. All their efforts to cheer her up had failed.  
  
Kenshin was afraid. Did he REALLY create this ... this ... forlorn ghost which was once the lively lovely Kamiya Kaoru? Deep in his heart, he knew the answer.  
  
Finally, drastic times called for drastic measures. Determination gripped his emotion like never before. *I MUST end her suffering once and for all...!*   
  
Taking matters into his hands, he prepared a bowl of steaming miso soup and carried it all the way to her room. Once inside, a shocking sight lay before him: in the futon was an unusually frail and feverish Kaoru! He felt a stab of pain, and another, more painful, stab of regret. But, being Kenshin, he refused to show it.  
  
Forcing his most cheerful smile and dropping all forms of polite, impersonal speech for once, he carefully entered, saying, "Kaoru-chan, what's the matter?"  
  
Normally, she would be pleasantly surprised, but sickness and suffering pride caused her not to care the least bit. She refused to answer, and with as much strength as her weakening body would allow, she turned away.   
  
It was as if she was begging him to LEAVE. And, truth be told, he never, EVER wanted to leave her again. If she was already this vegetative while he was still there, what more if he WASN'T? He knew that this was his only chance...  
  
He knelt at her side, handing her the bowl of piping hot miso. "Drink it," he urged, "it will help ease your discomfort. Don't get yourself too hungry, Kaoru-chan, onegai."  
  
She shunned the food. He couldn't believe it! *Kamisama, PLEASE tell me I'm not doing the wrong thing again...! * he thought fretfully.   
  
At last, she spoke - but the cold words she uttered stung him to the core of his very soul. "Gomen, Kenshin, but I've waited far too long for you to change your ways and played the waiting game. ( part of song! ^_^) You always hesitated, never taking the chances Kamisama gave you. You never even bothered to consider the insanity each and every fight you partook in would drive me to! I don't want to wait anymore. GO AWAY!!!" She raised a finger, pointing towards the door with intense anger and scorn, despite her grave weakness.  
  
Downcast, he looked aside, and started murmuring. "Sumimasen, Kaoru-dono ... sessha knows he has always been such a burden to you. Sessha never wanted you to be involved in his struggles, and he did not want you to suffer and cry for him. Sessha is very, VERY sorry it had to come to this..."  
  
"DAMMIT, Kenshin!" she cried achingly, her voice hoarse from severe lack of water. "Why are you telling me this only now?! Did you know how I've always dreamt, each and every single day since you came, of the time that you might leave and never come back?! Did you know how I hurt each time you refused my help?! DID YOU?!" she yelled angrily, her voice ringing each corner of her room. She stopped momentarily to catch her breath.   
  
Kenshin couldn't believe what he heard. But still, sorely wished - *NO!!! Why do I fool myself? I'M NOT WORTH ALL THIS!*   
  
He didn't realize that he actually SAID the last phrase aloud. And when he finally did, he dropped the bowl of miso soup, now cold and all over his hakama and the tatami mats. "Suman-" he hastily apologized, putting a hand on his mouth.  
  
Kaoru took a deep breath, then resumed her tirade. "You STILL don't get it, do you Kenshin?! I LOVE YOU. YOU MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME. Can you possibly not see how much it has been eating me alive?! And don't give me anymore of that 'I'm not worthy' crap, it frustrates me even more. I may be nothing to you, Kenshin no baka, but Kamisama knows how much I've waited anxiously for your return home! I even had ... a d-doll ... made ... after YOU ... so I wouldn't ... be..."   
  
She felt like a dam bursting in a flood. She now wept, her eyes shedding more water than a waterfall. She knew that that would deplete what little water - and strength - she had, but for once she had felt true relief in having it all in the open. *I don't care if I die,* she mused inside sadly, *but at least I should know how HE feels!*   
  
Kenshin turned to face her squarely in the eye, remorse and love written all over his countenance. "I-I know," he replied, no longer speaking in an impersonal manner.   
  
Kaoru looked at him in amazement. As if reading her mind, he replied without skipping a beat. "I watched you ... from the night we arrived." He then picked up the doll, now lying forgotten at a far corner. "I know that you wish I were like this doll - always complying, always available for you, always more adept at loving you. But I'm not." He gave it back to her. "The truth is, Kaoru-chan, I've ALWAYS loved you, too. Ever since we first met, I could not get you out of my mind. And the more involved I had become, the more I tried to distance myself. I was afraid ... afraid, that you might reject me, but afraid more importantly for losing you because I was the Battousai, and not some ordinary man. I was afraid to lose you."   
  
Kaoru sniffled, her interest piqued by what he had to say. Clearing his throat, he continued, "When Enishi ... Gein ... when I saw that puppet corpse constructed to look exactly like you, I felt so helpless and hopeless. I wanted to die. You don't notice it, Kaoru-chan, but each and every time I see you unhappy or ill, my heart aches." He lowered his head, unable to control the tears forming around his eyes. "I mean EVERY word when I say I love you, Kamiya Kaoru. I also mean it when I say that I would go through hell and high water, even Enishi and Gein once more, just to see you smile. I mean it when I say I would rather become the Battousai once more and die for you than see you dead, for you are all I have left. If you died or disappeared..."   
  
He stammered and stuttered the last phrase, before completely breaking down. *After all I've said and done ... will she still love me?* he wondered, feeling lost beyond his capacity.  
  
Kaoru sobered. She stopped crying as soon as she heard his voice break. Her eyes were now wide as saucers due to her poor health. She gaped in shock, unable yet to comprehend the gravity of the words Kenshin had just said.   
  
Then, at last, her face lit up. For the first time in many weeks, she smiled again. And the smile conveyed more than words could ever express. In a gentle voice, she replied, "I forgive you. It's alright now, Kenshin. Aishiteru, always."  
  
Those words were the sweetest music to reach Kenshin's ears. Looking up at her, he smiled tenderly. "Gomen nasai, Kaoru ... koishii."  
  
Then, in a swiftness that took BOTH of them by surprise, he suddenly leaned over to kiss her. Tenderly, on her lips. "Aishiteru..."  
  
*Well, at least he's proving to be worth the wait...* Kaoru thought happily as she savored the moment.  
  
  
  
  
SD kawaii chibi girl comes back: Gomen for leaving you hanging! ^_^;;; Well, I hope you enjoyed it … this is my first SERIOUSLY sentimental fic. Sessha was never one for writing sentimental tearjerkers. ^_^ Comments & death threats are ok, but no lawsuits onegai. ^_^;;; Ok, that's all for now, ja matta!   
  
**Dedicated to my family, my friends, all those who continually wait, and my darling mahal. You were defintitely worth the wait. ^____________________________~ ::sends out flying kisses::**   



End file.
